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善心可依(1)
佚名
在我的成长过程中,一直觉得,被人看到与父亲在一起是件很尴尬的事。父亲个子矮小,还患有严重的脚疾。我们走在一起时,他总是挽着我的胳膊来保持身体平衡,这样难免会招来一些好奇的目光,令我很不自在。但是如果他注意到了我的这些细微变化,即使再痛苦都会埋在心底,从不表露出来。
我们走路的步调很难协调一致——他行动迟缓,我毫无耐心。因此一路上我们交谈甚少。只是每次临走前,他总会说:“你走你的,我会尽量跟上你。”
我们常往返于家与地铁站之间的那段路,父亲要在那儿乘地铁去上班。他常会带病工作,不管天气多么恶劣,几乎没耽误过一天,就是在别人不能去的情况下,他也会设法去上班。实在是了不起!
冰封大地,漫天飞雪的季节,若是不借助外力的帮助,他几乎无法独自行走。每到这时,我和姐妹们就用儿童雪橇拉他通过纽约布鲁克林区的街道,把他直接送到地铁入口处。一到那儿,他便抓住扶手;自己走下楼梯,因为通道里暖和些,地上没结冰。到了曼哈顿,地铁站就在他办公楼的地下一层,在我们去布鲁克林接他回家前他不用再走出楼来。
现在想起这些来,我不禁慨叹;一个成年男子需要多大的勇气才能承受这种侮辱和压力啊!他竟然做到了——没有丝毫痛苦的迹象,也从未有任何抱怨。
他从不觉得自己可怜;也从不嫉妒别人的幸运和能力。他寻找怀有“善心”的人们,当他发现时,人家确实对他不错。
如今,我已长大成人,我相信以“善心”为标准来判断人是很正确的,虽然我不甚清楚它的真正含义,但却觉得自己很多时候是缺乏善心的。
虽然许多活动父亲都不能参加,但他仍然设法以某种方式参与进去。当一个地方棒球队缺少领队时,他就做了领队。他是个棒球迷,有丰富的棒球知识,过去常带我去埃比茨棒球场看布鲁克林的鬼精灵队的比赛。他喜欢参加舞会和晚会,很高兴坐那儿当观众。
记得有一次,在海边的晚会上,有人打架,并动了拳头。父亲不忍坐视不管,但在松软的沙滩上他又无法使自己站起来。失望之下,便吼了起来:“你们谁坐下来和我打?”没人回应。第二天,人们都开玩笑说,还是头一次看到这种情形,比赛还没开始,拳击手就被劝服输。
如今;我知道;有些事情父亲是通过我——他唯一的儿子来参与的。我打球时(虽然我的球技很差),他也在“打球”。我参加海军时,他也“参加”。我休假在家时,他会让我去他办公室。向同事介绍时,他认认真真地说:“这是我儿子,也是我自己,假如事实不是这样的话;我也会像他一样做那些事情。”这些言语,他以前从未说出来过。
父亲虽已去世多年,但我仍会时常想起他。不知他是否感觉到我和他在一起时,曾是那么不愿意被人看到。如果他知道那一切,我现在会感到非常难过,因为我从没告诉过他我是如此愧疚和悔恨,我是不孝的。每当为琐事烦扰而怨天尤人时,为别人的红运当头而心怀妒忌时,为自己缺乏“善心”而自责时,我就会不由自主地想起父亲。
那时,我就会挽着他的胳膊,也为了保持我的身体平衡,并说:“你走你的,我会尽力跟上你。”
■ 心灵小语
父爱是深沉的,但同样伟大。在迎接生活中风风雨雨的同时,父亲不轻易表露的爱时时刻刻都在向孩子流淌着。做一个懂得感恩的孩子,不要漠视世界上最为深沉的父爱。
A Good Heart to Lean On
Anonymous
When I was growing up; I was embarrassed to be seen with my father。 He was severely crippled1 and very short; and when we would walk together; his hand on my arm for balance; people would stare。 I would inwardly squirm at the unwanted attention。 If he ever noticed or was bothered; he never let on。
善心可依(2)
It was difficult to coordinate our steps—his halting; mine impatient—and because of that; we didn’t say much as we went along。 But as we started out; he always said; “You set the pace。 I will try to adjust to you。”
Our usual walk was to or from the subway; which was how he got to work。 He went to work sick; and despite nasty weather。 He almost never missed a day; and would make it to the office even if others could not。 A matter of pride。
When snow or ice was on the ground; it was impossible for him to walk; even with help。 At such times my sisters or I would pull him through the streets of Brooklyn; NY; on a child’s sleigh to the subway entrance。 Once there; he would cling to the handrail until he reached the lower steps that the warmer tunnel air kept ice…free。 In Manhattan the subway station was the basement of his office building; and he would not have to go outside again until we met him in Brooklyn; on his way home。
When I think of it now; I marvel at how much courage it must have taken for a grown man to subject himself to such indignity2 and stress。 And at how he did it—without bitterness or plaint。
He never talked about himself as an object of pity; nor did he show any envy of the more fortunate or able。 What he looked for in others was a “good heart”; and if he found one; the owner was good enough for him。
Now that I am older; I believe that is a proper standard by which to judge people; even though I still don’t know precisely what a “good heart” is。 But I know the times I don’t have one myself。
Unable to engage in many activities; my father still tried to participate in some way。 When a local sandlot baseball team found itself without a manager; he kept it going。 He was a knowledgeable baseball fan and often took me to Ebbets Field to see the Brooklyn Dodgers play。 He liked to go to dances and parties; where he could have a good time just sitting and watching。
On one memorable occasion a fight broke out at a beach party; with everyone punching and shoving。 He wasn’t content to sit and watch; but he couldn’t stand unaided on the soft sand。 In frustration3 he began to shout; “I’ll fight anyone who will sit down with me!” Nobody did。 But the next day people kidded him by saying it was the first time any fighter was urged to take a dive even before the bout began。
I now know he participated in some things vicariously through me; his only son。 When I played ball (poorly); he “played” too。 When I joined the Navy; he “joined” too。 And when I came home on leave; he saw to it that I visited his office。 Introducing me; he was really saying; “This is my son; but it is also me; and I could have done this; too; if things had been different。” Those words were never said aloud。
He has been gone many years now; but I think of him often。 I wonder if he sensed my reluctance to be seen with him during our walks。 If he did; I am sorry I never told him how sorry I was; how unworthy I was; how I regretted it。 I think of him when I plain about trifles; when I am envious of another’s good fortune; when I don’t have a “good heart”。
At such times I put my hand on his arm to regain my balance; and say; “you set the pace; I will try to adjust to you。”
一杯牛奶的温暖
佚名
一天,一个可怜的小男孩儿为凑足学费正挨家挨户地推销商品。他发现身上只剩一角钱了,此时他很饿,因此决定从下一家要点儿吃的。
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