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第3部分(第1页)

so that he was forced to admit things he did not in the least

believe。 And having admitted them; he did not know whether he

believed them or not; he rather thought he did。

But he loved anyone who could convey enlightenment to him

through feeling。 He sat betrayed with emotion when the teacher

of literature read; in a moving fashion; Tennysons 〃Ulysses〃;

or Shelleys 〃Ode to the West Wind〃。 His lips parted; his eyes

filled with a strained; almost suffering light。 And the teacher

read on; fired by his power over the boy。 Tom Brangwen was moved

by this experience beyond all calculation; he almost dreaded it;

it was so deep。 But when; almost secretly and shamefully; he

came to take the book himself; and began the words 〃Oh wild west

wind; thou breath of autumns being;〃 the very fact of the print

caused a prickly sensation of repulsion to go over his skin; the

blood came to his face; his heart filled with a bursting passion

of rage and inpetence。 He threw the book down and walked over

it and went out to the cricket field。 And he hated books as if

they were his enemies。 He hated them worse than ever he hated

any person。

He could not voluntarily control his attention。 His mind had

no fixed habits to go by; he had nothing to get hold of; nowhere

to start from。 For him there was nothing palpable; nothing known

in himself; that he could apply to learning。 He did not know how

to begin。 Therefore he was helpless when it came to deliberate

understanding or deliberate learning。

He had an instinct for mathematics; but if this failed him;

he was helpless as an idiot。 So that he felt that the ground was

never sure under his feet; he was nowhere。 His final downfall

was his plete inability to attend to a question put without

suggestion。 If he had to write a formal position on the Army;

he did at last learn to repeat the few facts he knew: 〃You can

join the army at eighteen。 You have to be over five foot eight。〃

But he had all the time a living conviction that this was a

dodge and that his mon…places were beneath contempt。 Then he

reddened furiously; felt his bowels sink with shame; scratched

out what he had written; made an agonized effort to think of

something in the real position style; failed; became sullen

with rage and humiliation; put the pen down and would have been

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