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arkTwain
AfewmonthsagoIwasnominatedforGovernorofthegreatstateofNewYork,torunagainstMr。JohnT。SmithandMr。BlankJ。Blankonanindeendentticket。IsomehowfeltthatIhadonerominentadvantageoverthesegentlemen,andthatwas-goodcharacter。Itwaseasytoseebythenewsaersthatifevertheyhadknownwhatitwastobearagoodname,thattimehadgoneby。Itwaslainthatintheselatteryearstheyhadbecomefamiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes。ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyinginitinsecret,therewasamuddyundercurrentofdiscomfort
"riling
"thedeesofmyhainess,andthatwas-thehavingtohearmynamebandiedaboutinfamiliarconnectionwiththoseofsucheole。Igrewmoreandmoredisturbed。FinallyIwrotemygrandmotheraboutit。Heranswercamequickandshar。Shesaid:Youhaveneverdoneonesinglethinginallyourlifetobeashamedof-notone。Lookatthenewsaers-lookatthemandcomrehendwhatsortofcharactersMessrs。SmithandBlankare,andthenseeifyouarewillingtoloweryourselftotheirlevelandenteraubliccanvasswiththem。
Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleeasinglemomentthatnight。But,afterall,Icouldnotrecede。
Iwasfullycommitted,andmustgoonwiththefight。
AsIwaslookinglistlesslyovertheaersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisaragrah,andImaytrulysayIneverwassoconfoundedbefore。
PERJURY。-Perhas,nowthatMr。MarkTwainisbeforetheeoleasacandidateforGovernor,hewillcondescendtoexlainhowhecametobeconvictedoferjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak,CochinChina,in1863,theintentofwhicherjurybeingtorobaoornativewidowandherhellessfamilyofameagerlantain-atch,theironlystayandsuortintheirbereavementanddesolation。
Mr。Twainowesittohimself,aswellastothegreateolewhosesuffragesheasks,toclearthismatteru。Willhedoit?
IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel,heartlesscharge!IneverhadseenCochinChina!IneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn&aos;tknowalantain-atchfromakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo。Iwascrazedandhelless。Iletthedaysliawaywithoutdoinganythingatall。Thenextmorningthesameaerhadhis-nothingmore:
SIGNIFICANT。-Mr。Twain,itwillbeobserved,issuggestivelysilentabouttheCochinChinaerjury。
[Mem。-Duringtherestofthecamaignthisaerneverreferredtomeinanyotherwaythanas
"theinfamouserjurerTwain
"。
NextcametheGazette,withthis:
WANTEDTOKNOW-WillthenewcandidateforGovernordeigntoexlaintocertainofhisfellow-citizenswhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittlecircumstanceofhiscabin-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime,untilatlast,thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr。Twain&aos;sersonorinhis
"trunk
"(newsaerherolledhistrasin),theyfeltcomelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood,andsotarredandfeatheredhim,androdehimonarail;andthenadvisedhimtoleaveaermanentvacuuminthelaceheusuallyoccuiedinthecam。Willhedothis?
Couldanythingbemoredeliberatelymaliciousthanthat?ForIneverwasinMontanainmylife。[Afterthis,thisjournalcustomarilysokeofmeas,
"Twain,theMontanaThief。
"]
Igottoickinguaersarehensively-muchasonewouldliftadesiredblanketwhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattlesnakeunderit。
Onedaythismetmyeye:
THELIENAILED。-BytheswornaffidavitsofMichaelO&aos;Flanagan,Esq。,oftheFivePoints,andMr。SnubRaffertyandMr。CattyMulligan,ofWaterStreet,itisestablishedthatMr。MarkTwain&aos;svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofournoblestandard-bearer,BlankJ。Blank,washangedforhighwayrobbery,isabrutalandgratuitousLIE,withoutashadowoffoundationinfact。Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeansresortedtoachieveoliticalsuccessastheattackingofthedeadintheirgraves,anddefilingtheirhonorednameswithslander。Whenwethinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheinnocentrelativesandfriendsofthedeceased,wearealmostdriventoinciteanoutragedandinsultedublictosummaryandunlawfulvengeanceuonthetraducer。Butno!letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedconscience(thoughifassionshouldgetthebetteroftheublic,andinitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury,itisbuttooobviousthatnojurycouldconvictandnocourtunishtheeretratorsofthedeed)。
Theingeniousclosingsentencehadtheeffectofmovingmeoutofbedwithdesatchthatnight,andoutatthebackdooralso,whilethe
"outragedandinsultedublic
"surgedinthefrontway,breakingfurnitureandwindowsintheirrighteousindignationastheycame,andtakingoffsuchroertyastheycouldcarrywhentheywent。AndyetIcanlaymyhanduontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedMr。Blank&aos;sgrandfather。More:Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimutothatdayanddate。
[Iwillstate,inassing,thatthejournalabovequotedfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas
"Twain,theBody-Snatcher。
"]
Thenextnewsaerarticlethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:
ASWEETCANDIDATE。-Mr。MarkTwain,whowastomakesuchablightingseechatthemass-meetingoftheIndeendentslastnight,didn&aos;tcometotime!Atelegramfromhishysicianstatedthathehadbeenknockeddownbyarunawayteam,andhislegbrokenintwolaces-suffererlyingingreatagony,andsoforth,andsoforth,andalotmoreboshofthesamesort。AndtheIndeendentstriedhardtoswallowthewretchedsubterfuge,andretendthattheydidnotknowwhatwastherealreasonoftheabsenceoftheabandonedcreaturewhomtheydenominatetheirstandard-bearer。AcertainmanwasseentoreelintoMr。Twain&aos;shotellastnightinastateofbeastlyintoxication。ItistheimerativedutyoftheIndeendentstorovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself。Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmitsofnoshirking。Thevoiceoftheeoledemandsinthundertones,
鉴宝:让你鉴瓷,不是让你碰瓷 求你明恋我 中国文化与中国的兵 再不远行,就老了2 让我留在你的身边 每天读点好英文:这世界缺你不可 欲念闪婚,我被渣男小叔揽腰狂宠 港综:从小弟到大佬 无限相思无限恨:石评梅作品集 中国古代哲学史 把沉睡的时光摇醒 叛逆的灵魂(纪伯伦全集) 每天读点好英文:人生没有太晚的开始 快穿:我不可能是恋爱脑! 道临异世界 茶席窥美 我的世界很小,但是刚刚好 再不远行,就老了 每天读点好英文:沉默的长夜 每天读点好英文:我不爱这世界,我只爱你
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