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standing up alone in a sea of billow and spray; to the broken boat stranded on a desolate coast; to the cold and ghastly moon glancing through bars of cloud at a wreck just sinking。
I cannot tell what sentiment haunted the quite solitary churchyard; with its inscribed headstone; its gate; its two trees; its low horizon; girdled by a broken wall; and its newly…risen crescent; attesting the hour of eventide。
The two ships becalmed on a torpid sea; I believed to be marine phantoms。
The fiend pinning down the thief’s pack behind him; I passed over quickly: it was an object of terror。
So was the black horned thing seated aloof on a rock; surveying a distant crowd surrounding a gallows。
Each picture told a story; mysterious often to my undeveloped understanding and imperfect feelings; yet ever profoundly interesting: as interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winter evenings; when she chanced to be in good humour; and when; having brought her ironing…table to the nursery hearth; she allowed us to sit about it; and while she got up Mrs。 Reed’s lace frills; and crimped her nightcap borders; fed our eager attention with passages of love and adventure taken from old fairy tales and other ballads; or (as at a later period I discovered) from the pages of Pamela; and Henry; Earl of Moreland。
With Bewick on my knee; I was then happy: happy at least in my way。 I feared nothing but interruption; and that came too soon。 The breakfast…room door opened。
“Boh! Madam Mope!” cried the voice of John Reed; then he paused: he found the room apparently empty。
“Where the dickens is she!” he continued。 “Lizzy! Georgy! (calling to his sisters) Joan is not here: tell mama she is run out into the rain—bad animal!”
“It is well I drew the curtain;” thought I; and I wished fervently he might not discover my hiding…place: nor would John Reed have found it out himself; he was not quick either of vision or conception; but Eliza just put her head in at the door; and said at once—
“She is in the window…seat; to be sure; Jack。”
And I came out immediately; for I trembled at the idea of being dragged forth by the said Jack。
“What do you want?” I asked; with awkward diffidence。
“Say; ‘What do you want; Master Reed?’” was the answer。 “I want you to e here;” and seating himself in an arm…chair; he intimated by a gesture that I was to approach and stand before him。
John Reed was a schoolboy of fourteen years old; four years older than I; for I was but ten: large and stout for his age; with a dingy and unwholesome skin; thick lineaments in a spacious visage; heavy limbs and large extremities。 He gorged himself habitually at table; which made him bilious; and gave him a dim and bleared eye and flabby cheeks。 He ought now to have been at school; but his mama had taken him home for a month or two; “on account of his delicate health。” Mr。 Miles; the master; affirmed that he would do very well if he had fewer cakes and sweetmeats sent him from home; but the mother’s heart turned from an opinion so harsh; and inclined rather to the more refined idea that John’s sallowness was owing to over…application and; perhaps; to pining after home。
John had not much affection for his mother and sisters; and an antipathy to me。 He bullied and punished me; not two or three times in the week; nor once or twice in the day; but continually: every nerve I had feared him; and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank when he came near。 There were moments when I was bewildered by the terror he inspired; because I had no appeal whatever against either his menaces or his inflictions; the servants did not like to offend their young master by taking my part against him; and Mrs。 Reed was blind and deaf on the subject: she never saw him strike or heard him abuse me; though he did both now and then in her very presence; more frequently; however; behind her back。
Habitually obedient to John; I came up to his chair: he spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike; and while dreading the blow; I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it。 I wonder if he read that notion in my face; for; all at once; without speaking; he struck suddenly and strongly。 I tottered; and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or two from his chair。
“That is for your impudence in answering mama awhile since;” said he; “and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains; and for the look you had in your eyes two minutes since; you rat!”
Accustomed to John Reed’s abuse; I never had an idea of replying to it; my care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow the insult。
“What were you doing behind the curtain?” he asked。
“I was reading。”
“Show the book。”
I returned to the window and fetched it thence。
“You have no business to take our books; you are a dependent; mama says; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg; and not to live here with gentlemen’s children like us; and eat the same meals we do; and wear clothes at our mama’s expense。 Now; I’ll teach you to rummage my bookshelves: for they are mine; all the house belongs to me; or will do in a few years。 Go and stand by the door; out of the way of the mirror and the windows。”
I did so; not at first aware what was his intention; but when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand in act to hurl it; I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm: not soon enough; however; the volume was flung; it hit me; and I fell; striking my head against the door and cutting it。 The cut bled; the pain was sharp: my terror had passed its climax; other feelings succeeded。
“Wicked and cruel boy!” I said。 “You are like a murderer—you are like a slave…driver—you are like the Roman emperors!”
I had read Goldsmith’s History of Rome; and had formed my opinion of Nero; Caligula; &c。 Also I had drawn parallels in silence; which I never thought thus to have declared aloud。
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