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第5部分(第1页)

they can help it; and it was cruel to shut me up alone without a candle;—so cruel that I think I shall never forget it。”

“Nonsense! And is it that makes you so miserable? Are you afraid now in daylight?”

“No: but night will e again before long: and besides;—I am unhappy;—very unhappy; for other things。”

“What other things? Can you tell me some of them?”

How much I wished to reply fully to this question! How difficult it was to frame any answer! Children can feel; but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought; they know not how to express the result of the process in words。 Fearful; however; of losing this first and only opportunity of relieving my grief by imparting it; I; after a disturbed pause; contrived to frame a meagre; though; as far as it went; true response。

“For one thing; I have no father or mother; brothers or sisters。”

“You have a kind aunt and cousins。”

Again I paused; then bunglingly enounced—

“But John Reed knocked me down; and my aunt shut me up in the red… room。”

Mr。 Lloyd a second time produced his snuff…box。

“Don’t you think Gateshead Hall a very beautiful house?” asked he。 “Are you not very thankful to have such a fine place to live at?”

“It is not my house; sir; and Abbot says I have less right to be here than a servant。”

“Pooh! you can’t be silly enough to wish to leave such a splendid place?”

“If I had anywhere else to go; I should be glad to leave it; but I can never get away from Gateshead till I am a woman。”

“Perhaps you may—who knows? Have you any relations besides Mrs。 Reed?”

“I think not; sir。”

“None belonging to your father?”

“I don’t know。 I asked Aunt Reed once; and she said possibly I might have some poor; low relations called Eyre; but she knew nothing about them。”

“If you had such; would you like to go to them?”

I reflected。 Poverty looks grim to grown people; still more so to children: they have not much idea of industrious; working; respectable poverty; they think of the word only as connected with ragged clothes; scanty food; fireless grates; rude manners; and debasing vices: poverty for me was synonymous with degradation。

“No; I should not like to belong to poor people;” was my reply。

“Not even if they were kind to you?”

I shook my head: I could not see how poor people had the means of being kind; and then to learn to speak like them; to adopt their manners; to be uneducated; to grow up like one of the poor women I saw sometimes nursing their children or washing their clothes at the cottage doors of the village of Gateshead: no; I was not heroic enough to purchase liberty at the price of caste。

“But are your relatives so very poor? Are they working people?”

“I cannot tell; Aunt。 Reed says if I have any; they must be a beggarly set: I should not like to go a begging。”

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