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then　when　she　chased　me　around　at　recess　and　tried　to　lay　kisses　on　me；　the　whole　school

started　singing；　“Bryce　and　Juli　sitting　in　a　tree；　K…I…S…SI…

N…G…”

My　first　year　in　town　was　a　disaster。

Third　grade　wasnt　much　better。　She　was　still　hot　on　my　trail　every　time　I　turned　around。

Same　with　fourth。　But　then　in　fifth　grade　I　took　action。

It　started　out　slow　—　one　of　those　Nah…thats…not…right　ideas　you　get　and　forget。　But　the　more

I　played　with　the　idea；　the　more　I　thought；　What

better　way　to　ward　Juli　off？　What　better　way　to　say　to　her；　“Juli；　you　are　not　my　type”？

And　so；　my　friend；　I　hatched　the　plan。

I　asked　Shelly　Stalls　out。

To　fully　appreciate　the　brilliance　of　this；　you　have　to　understand　that　Juli　hates　Shelly　Stalls。

She　always　has；　though　it　beats　me　why。　Shellys　nice

and　shes　friendly　and　shes　got　a　lot　of　hair。　Whats　not　to　like？　But　Juli　hated　her；　and　I　was

going　to　make　this　little　gem　of　knowledge　the　solution

to　my　problem。

What　I　was　thinking　was　that　Shelly　would　eat　lunch　at　our　table　and　maybe　walk　around　a

little　with　me。　That　way；　anytime　Juli　was　around；　all　Id

have　to　do　was　hang　a　little　closer　to　Shelly　and　things　would　just　naturally　take　care　of

themselves。　What　happened；　though；　is　that　Shelly　took

things　way　too　seriously。　She　went　around　telling　everybody　—　including　Juli　—　that　we　were

in　love。

In　no　time　Juli　and　Shelly　got　into　some　kind　of　catfight；　and　while　Shelly　was　recovering　from

that；　my　supposed　friend　Garrett　—　who　had　been

totally　behind　this　plan　—　told　her　what　I　was　up　to。　Hes　always　denied　it；　but　Ive　since

learned　that　his　code　of　honor　is　easily　corrupted　by　weepy

females。

………　Page　6………

That　afternoon　the　principal　tried　cross…examining　me；　but　I　wouldnt　cop　to　anything。　I　just

kept　telling　her　that　I　was　sorry　and　that　I　really　didnt

understand　what　had　happened。　Finally　she　let　me　go。

Shelly　cried　for　days　and　followed　me　around　school　sniffling　and　making　me　feel　like　a　real

jerk；　which　was　even　worse　than　having　Juli　as　a

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